Crap, I'm Getting Old

Tomorrow, I turn 45. In the past week I have celebrated my 5th wedding anniversary. In the past few months, it has been:

• 12 years since my mother died.
• 10 years since my father died.
• 10 years at my current workplace (the longest I have had by a year).
• 9 years since I divorced my first wife.
• 27 years since I graduated high school.
• 23 years since I finished my B.A.

It's hard not to look at that all and not feel like I'm getting to be a geezer. Add to that the realization that I have gone from being a young nerd hoping to be a revolutionary to becoming a tie-wearing representative of The Man, more worried about how to get to retirement, buying a home in one of the most expensive markets in the country, and trying to keep my staff from being hit whenever the next round of state budget cuts show up on my desk than trying to start The Revolution.

At 45 I have to take medications for older-guy ailments, I need to wear bifocals, and when I fall down, I don't bounce back anymore. But I find that my 40s have me feeling happier, more settled, and more able to accept the life I have rather than trying to be someone I'm not.

So wow, 45. I still feel like I never saw it coming. Can I get a save against this if I disbelieve?